This blog is about writing… not about cliched breakups and men who are jerks. Why? Because there are enough blogs out there that cover this topic. Probably too many. However, I confess that this starts out as a “men who are jerks” missive, but it does go beyond that, so please bear with me.
I’m just starting to get over a “man who is a jerk” because even though I’d only been dating him for a month (which let’s face it isn’t too long), betrayal is still betrayal any way you slice it. So, when I found out that he decided to sleep with his ex-wife the other night, you could say I wasn’t exactly thrilled. I will spare you the sordid details, but the whole thing did (finally) elicit a very simple email that attempted some type of apology and the de rigeuer line of “I respect you so much.” And all I could think was, “Phew, thank GOODNESS he respects me, because imagine how he would have behaved if he didn’t respect me? Aren’t I just sooo lucky?”
So while I plot revenge fantasies that of course I won’t indulge in because I’m just not that type of person, and why should I waste my energy on this excuse for a human being anyway?, I’m actually struck by two terrifying thoughts:
1) I saw him the night before his birthday (on his actual birthday the next day, his present was his naked ex-wife – which I guess is difficult to beat in the gift department). However, I’m obsessed with the fact that I gave him a GREAT present and now he has it. THAT makes my blood boil. And you know what that present was? A book of John Donne’s poetry – complete with annotated explanations, and a very good reading of one of them (if I say so myself) to him by yours truly. Yes, the sad part of all this is he was/is a lover of great literature and that of course turns me to butter. Now if only he was into monster trucks and football, instead of Russian novelists and metaphysical poetry, maybe I wouldn’t feel so awful right now. I say to all you other writers out there, how can you NOT fall for a guy who is all about beautiful prose? Ack.
2) In that weird, writerly way (and also a throwback to my drama school and acting days), I find myself obsessing with the minutia of his betrayal and looking for ways to incorporate this in my writing, you know, USE the experience. Not in an “write this stuff about me and I’ll sue the pants off you” kind of way. I don’t think he knows my blog exists anyway, so it’s not like he’d come after me on that level. No, I’m not interested in the cold, hard, facts, which are too painful to talk about anyway. I’m talking about taking kernels, snippets, the essence of the betrayal and crafting them into a short story, or a scene in my novel, or a glimpse into a character. After all, what’s the point of someone treating you like shit if you don’t get to take that experience and use it to your own advantage? Maybe success is the best form of revenge; maybe revenge is indeed a dish best served cold; but I think the best revenge is taking the experience, learning from it, and using it to write even better stories that allow people to connect. Now, if I can somehow combine the images of John Donne, a Harley, a missing earring, two guinea pigs and the ruthlessness of Jack Bauer, I think I’ll have something unique on my hands. Quentin Tarrantino meets D.H. Lawrence. I’m sure there’s a great story in there somewhere.
In the meantime, to everyone who has been treated like crap by someone who is a piece of crap, I truly empathize. Now, go write about it!